Last night I did some homework and I’ve never had such an intense, reflective, and enthusiastic response to academic reading. I’ve landed on a planet of like-minded thinkers. My very own secret society. My brain is being stretched in good ways, really hard and really fast. Emerging notions:
1) I magically happened upon the right academic discipline–the books I’m reading are reflecting my values back to me, but in a really structured, theoretical, thoughtful academic way. It’s like there’s an alternate dimension where all my values and concerns about the structure of society are taken into account, and that dimension (for me) is called Social Work. The downside is that my homework makes me question the memoir I’ve just spent two years writing. I realize that in another three years, at the end of this training, I would write a totally different book. But maybe that’s something to look forward to–a new memoir about becoming a social worker.
2) I’m begin forced to ask some really big questions about my values and my core beliefs about American society and human life, and what I believe is the best way to go about helping society change. These questions can’t be asked without a measure of pragmatic skepticism. Caught between idealism, professionalism, and pragmatic skepticism, I feel really vulnerable. My new professional orientation speaks to a set of beliefs that will need to be examined and defended. I’m realizing my own mixed feelings. I want to help, but I am skeptical of the helping orientation because it has a such a spotty history.
3) I’ve stumbled into a conversation about theory. After a lifetime of avoiding theory, the time has come to immerse myself in theoretical mapping. I’m being pushed in my formal social work training to take theory into account and try to have a lively relationship with it, moving back and forth between theory and practice, letting each realm inform the other in an endless feedback loop.
These are the thoughts provoked after exactly 2.5 hours of class and 2.5 hours of homework. My mind is gonna get blown on a weekly basis. I guess I better get used to it.